Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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