forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
