Barsexuality is the new black.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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