Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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