Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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