He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
