Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
