I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
