I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
