I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If I die, sorry about rent.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
