If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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