I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
