im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
