Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you would pick up someone in the library
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
