So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
