i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
