were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
