oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
