FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
