I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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