I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
