i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
