i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
