I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
