dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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