Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
