Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
