well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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