he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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