Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
