Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
