Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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