her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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