and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
