I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
