I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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