I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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