I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I look better un-naked...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
