Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
