Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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