david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
