I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
