So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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