I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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