I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
foreskin is a definite game changer
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am available for nakedness
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
