Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
