yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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