whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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