mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
