i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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